9 Weeks!

I am getting closer and closer to that "safe zone". My 2nd appointment is in a few weeks/few days! I'm ready to see how much different my baby looks! I'm feeling pretty good. Getting used to being tired all the time. Last night around 9:30pm I felt my body ready to sleep. I stayed up until 11:00pm to see how I felt. I was not a person haha. I was some kind of zombie. The body pillow is helping me sleep, but poor Kyle losing room in the bed now. I giggled today when I drank some water, and immediately had to pee. I experimented with it all day. Water does not like to stay in my body long.

We leave for New Orleans tomorrow morning. Pray for our safety. Being in a car doesn't bother me, but I haven't been in one for hours and hours since I've been pregnant. We are going to the Sugar Bowl..actually the boys are and I'm hanging out with one of the wives. I LOVE cajun food, and I am so excited to try new stuff! I hope my tummy can handle it though. I'll have to take it easy on the spicy stuff which stinks :( We'll have a good time. Neither of us has ever been there before.

Little Gripe Session

I need to gripe for a minute. I've had a week where I was nauseous. Then for a few weeks I had indigestion, and discovered the miracle of Tums. Now I feel exhausted. I could sleep for days. If I take a nap its for 3 hours. I don't feel bad because I take a few Tums a day, and eat small meals throughout the day. I just feel blah and puny. I get hungry sometimes, but feel stuffed and like I'll explode after a few bites. I know it's all normal. I know I don't need to gripe because I have a tiny precious baby trying to grow arms/legs. I'm a terrible patient. I miss energy. This pregnancy is taking forever!!!!!!!!!! In happy news...I found out I get 12 weeks off for maternity, but only get paid for 3 or 4 :( Oh well.

Baby T!

Hello! My name is Baby T!

Can I just say first of all that GOD freakin' rocks! I am so blessed to have this little miracle growing in my dear old uterus! Now onto my story from today. It's random, but that's normal.

I didn't sleep well last night, and I was really nervous. I have peed on over 15 sticks, and I was still not convinced. For some reason I made myself look super cute,and even curled my hair! So we get to the doctors office, and sit there for like 10 minutes. It was 8:10am so it wasn't that busy. I just wanted to get in there, and I kept thinking of how I was going to ask for an ultrasound or something. First we met with the accounts, and let me tell you how thankful I am for the awesome maternity insurance we have. The lady gave me some pregnancy planner which was cool! So..after what felt like an eternity we got called back there. I got weighed, and I am pretty sure I was 8lbs lighter than last time I was there a month ago so yay for that. I had to go pee in a cup. I couldn't find the cups at first then I saw that it was a freakin' paper cup that said "pee speciman" or something like that. I laughed as I peed and missed most of the cup! Oh well, it was enough for that test strip she put in it. The nurse was super nice, and asked me all the basic questions. I giggled to myself when she talked about checking for STD's. She looked at my chart, and was like "wow you were just in here, that worked fast". Heck yes it did! All those blood tests, and meds were worth it! I asked if this appointment was going to be long, and she said no. Well that confused me because I thought it was the longest one. Kyle then asked if we'd get any confirmation today, and she said "Oh yeah we were able to squeeze you in for an ultrasound". I was in shock! I get an ultrasound on the first visit without really asking! I was told I might have to wait until after I see Dr. Rainwater because the lady was booked up. Well the minute she said that she opened the door, and the ultrasound tech was there to say she could get me in right now. Perfect! Everything went so fast. Kyle and I just looked at each other. There I am in the ultrasound room about to drop my pants. I know the routine. Become half nakey, climb on the chair/bed, put your booty in the air. I didn't see the awkward "dildo sword". I wanted Kyle to see if so we could giggle. She comes in, and starts lubing that bad boy up! I guess it was in a drawer or something. I didn't see anything at first, and then she said "Ok the baby is in there". Then she was doing crazy stuff. It looked like watching a movie when the movie camera person was walking and trying to film. I thought I saw my uterus and a little spot in it, but I wasn't sure. She took pics of other things which I assume were my ovaries. Then I saw it. She zoomed in real good. It was my baby. It actually looked like a baby! It had that yolk sac which I thought was another baby at first, but its all good. It just has some weird blob following it around. They said it will go away soon :) I assumed it would just be a round circle. First thing I thought was "Wow, it has a giant head, and no arms!" Then I saw the most beautiful thing ever......that flickering heartbeat. It was beautiful. I was in awe, and just totally overwhelmed. It was beating so fast, and then BAM she cranked up the volume and I heard that awesome heartbeat music! There's a baby in there! It's alive! It's good! It's ours! It wasn't real! Kyle came up to stand behind me, and I should have grabbed his hand but I was just in shock. I didn't cry. I was so happy and RELIEVED! Totally awesome overwhelming experience. She took some pics, and printed some out for us! Kyle got teary eyed, but I think he probably had some streaming tears. I felt bad for not crying. So yeah...lady leaves so I can change and Kyle hugs me. Wow...we just saw AND heard our baby. We then went back into a little room to wait on my doctor. Let me tell you...I LOVE my doctor! She is just low key and sooooo sweet! She immediately started talking about how happy she was and surprised to see me back in here so early. She said "Well I just saw you a month ago, and here you are". I told her I would be a spokesperson for Clomid :) She asked how I was feeling, and then gave me a run down of what meds I can take, and other good info. I set up my next appointment on Jan 17th. That doesn't feel very far away! By then we can check it's growth better, and do a regular non-dildo ultrasound :) My due date wasn't said, but it's still Aug 4thish according to due date calendars. They gave me a big ol' bag of goodies! I got lots of vitamin samples, baby magazines, and other neat little stuff! It was like christmas at the gyno! Best gyno trip ever!

I got everything I wanted and more! It was such an easy appointment! I cannot believe we got to see and hear the baby. I am feeling good. I am not going to worry anymore. God is in control. I'm blessed, and I need to be thankful everyday. I SAW/HEARD our baby today!!! Ahhhh!!!!! I think it's cute :) Looks like an alien. I have also been saying that it's a paraplegic since it doesn't have legs/arms. Yeah I knowthat's horrible, but it cracks me up! It's also a hermaphrodite since it has no definable weewee or uhm vajayjay haha. Ok I'm done.

I decided to start that Pregnancy Highlight thing I see a lot. I didn't look up the medical answers, haha. I just make them up!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 7 Weeks 6 Days

Size of baby: 1/2 in or the size of a kidney bean I think

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Ha! Hard to say since I'm already a chubbo :)

Maternity Clothes: I wear "comfy" pants, and have for years. I bought a few maternity shirts recently for later

Gender: Too early to tell silly

Movement: Too early again silly

Sleep: Not good! It takes me FOREVER to fall asleep even though I am completely exhausted. I swear indigestion starts every morning at 1:30am.

What I miss: Sleep, and Dr. Pepper

Cravings: Pizza (which I normally am not a big fan of)

Symptoms: Mostly tiredness, indigestion, lack of appetite

Best Moment this week: Seeing my precious baby, and seeing AND hearing the heartbeat!

News

15+ pee sticks say PREGNANT or !! (yeah that's two lines)

I found out the day after thanksgiving. More details later.

First Prenatal Appointment is this wednesday at 8:30am. I'm nervous and excited. Pray that everything is good so I can FINALLY make an official announcement!

News for you...but you'll have to wait until next week! hahahaahahahaahahaha!

Quick update

Nurse called and my progesterone blood test showed I did ovulate. No shiz...I already knew that! Stupid test only told me that one thing. Now I wait....to see if dear old evil "lady" shows up. If not, I'll start peeing on sticks like crazy! Good news..clomid works. Good news..if I have to take it again I stay at the same dosage. Not so good news..I don't know if I'm preggo or not :( GARRRRR I should be thankful, but I'm frustrated.

Now to have food therapy...PW pecan pie!!!!

Update: I'm ok now. I had my small moment of frustration. I'm doing great right now! I realized that I could still be preggo, and to just give it some time to "season". OR I have good chances of conceiving in the upcoming months. Gooooo......baby making!!

Total Praise

Tonight..heck today was rough. I thought it'd be smart to pee on a stick so I had an idea what to expect from my blood test this morning. Bad idea again...it was a lovely negative. I wasn't surprised/bummed though. I got to St. Edwards to get my blood test done, and it's just to test my progesterone. The lady in the lab didn't have any answers to my questions so I'll just wait until I get the results via phone tomorrow from the nurse. I researched what progesterone test shows, but still don't get it. I then hurried to work because I had to attend staff development. I loved it. I loved feeling like a teacher. I loved being bored, yet understanding everything they were talking about. I then started to think about how grateful I am for my job. Teaching would be nice someday, but I feel blessed to have my job. I have a great boss, and I love helping kids with drama haha. Then I had some stupid issues come up where I was just plain annoyed with people. I need a break from people/work. I'm starting to become cranky, and annoyed easily. I know today I had a lot on my mind.

I finished my work day, and went to get all my thanksgiving grocery shopping done with my mommy. My mommy is like my best friend sometimes, and I love that. I went home, and looked at my awful horrible nasty house. I need to clean so bad! It's embarrassing. I will get motivated this week, but today I wasn't feeling it. I made PW Pasta w/ Creamy Tomato Sauce, and it was delicious. I then started to watch tv with my man. I was quiet, he noticed. I have been randomly quiet lately. Usually I'm acting retarded and laughing hysterically, and yelling "penis" at random moments. I was sulking. I was sulking because I don't believe I am pregnant. I was sulking because I know trying again will just drag on and on and on until I explode. Kyle is being so optimistic, and I push him away because I want to have a pity party. How selfish is that? Why am I being so awful to him and myself? I'm not trusting God all the time. I only gave up a little of my pain/worries. I knew I needed time to think. I went and took a steamy hot bubble bath. I read more of "Hannah's Hope". Hannah at the time was struggling with infertility,and her husband Elkanah took another wife who bore him lots of children. Hannah was jealous, and went all crazy like how I feel. You know what? Her husband loved her no matter what. Yes, he had another wife, but his heart belonged to Hannah. Beautiful right? A few nights about I told Kyle that I would be 100% happy with just him forever, and I mean it. I really could spend my whole life HAPPY and completely in love, just the two of us. A baby is just an added bonus. We want a little piece of each other, but we would be ok if God did not have that in store of us. I know it's early, and I'm not trying to be a downer. I am just starting to realize how amazing God is. He gave me such a wonderful man. A

Ok back to my story...so after my bath I started to get really emotional and convicted. I was being sooooo stupid and selfish. I needed to be alone, with God. I don't usually do that because I feel guilty for not being the daughter God calls me to be. I let my guard down. I let it all go. I turned on my ipod to a particular song. I cried. Quiet sobs. Crying out to God for the first time that I can remember. He spoke to me. He comforted me. He has a plan for me, and I need to open my ears and heart to it. I then went outside to cry. I listened to the song again, and just started up at the sky. I felt peace. Tears were still streaming down my face. I remembered this verse I've been reading a lot:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". Matt 6:34

Powerful right? heck yes it is! I went back inside to crawl into bed. My husband came in to just hold me while I slowly cried. God is good. I am finally under his wings, and not trying to control my life anymore.

Please listen to this song when you get a chance. It's incredible, and I had the most intense moment with God listening to it.

.Here are the lyrics:

Lord, I will lift mine eyes to the hills

Knowing my help is coming from You

Your peace You give me in time of the storm

You are the source of my strength

You are the strength of my life

I lift my hands in total praise to You.

You are the source of my strength

You are the strength of my life

I lift my hands in total praise to You.

Amen, amen

Amen, amen

Amen, amen

Amen, amen

PW

I want to talk to you briefly about The Pioneer Woman. This woman changed the way I cook. I was a good cook, but I have become an AMAZING cook because of her recipes. I no longer have meals that don't include her Rosemary Rolls. They are life changing, and I have a list of friends who would agree. If I met her today I would tell her thank you. Thank you for the 15lbs I've gained since I got married. Thank you for all the wonderful detailed instructions you give me. Thank you for having some of the funniest tweets. Thank you for being such a good cook. I want to hug you.

Here are some of my favorites (I love them all, but these came to my mind first):

-Lasagna

-Pasta w/ tomato cream sauce

-ROSEMARY ROLLS

-Cajun meatloaf

Go to thepioneerwoman.com, and see your life change! Read her story about she met her husband, it's adorable!

Tomorrow

I saw 6 pregnancy announcements on facebook today. SERIOUSLY!

Tomorrow I go get my blood test to see if I ovulated, and hopefully it tells if I'm preggo. I have been ok the past few days. I'm not optimistic at all. The one thing getting me through it all is reading the book Melissa gave me called Hannah's Hope. God works miracles in all situations. This round may not have been my month, but there is always hope next time. I should know in the next few days.

My boobs hurt like crazy, but they have been off and on since I started progesterone a month ago...so I shouldn't read into it.

Pray for me!

Picture time!

I am curious what our future children will look like. Here's some pics of us when we were wee ones! Kyle has the be the cutest little boy ever! He still makes those same faces, and looks just the same! I don't think I look like my kid pictures.

Little Meagan

Little Kyle

+

Why did we have to grow up in the 80's? The clothes are hideous!

Blessings

Today I was in the zone at work! I was like a crazy chicken running around trying to solve problems one kid at a time. I was worn out, and just wanted to leave by 3:15!

After work I had the honor of meeting up with a blogger/mutual friend. Melissa rocks! She has been a blessing from God since I started talking to her. She is such an encouragement, and a wonderful new friend! God has worked miracles in her life, and she can share her story with me. She has been the best help! I realize more and more that God is in control, and He puts people in my life to show me that. We had the best 2 hour chat! I learned stuff, and she is an incredible person! I am so excited to meet little Jorja in January!

Here are my shout outs!

Melissa-Thank you for being my new bff! We need to hang out again!

Sarah K.-Thank you for introducing me to Melissa, and being such a good friend too! I love that I can randomly vent or text you retarded things and you get me!

Ryan P.- You help me so much with your advice and just letting me read your blog! I know more about zygote's and uterine lining because of you!

Kyle- I love you. Thank you for being such an understanding husband who loves me no matter what. You are my rock, and I would fall down a cliff without you. Let's hold hands!

Confessions

-I peed on a stick this morning knowing that it would be negative. I'm stupid. I wasn't upset when I saw no second line, but I was thinking "Meagan you are an idiot, the possible baby is not ready to let you know yet you ding dong".

-I don't know if I can give up hot steamy baths when I get pregnant. I love them too much! I love my skin to be all red and steamy!

-I am becoming more and more comfortable with the term "pregnant" everyday.

-I totally think I have pregnancy symptoms that don't even make sense. It's too early for anything.

-I still giggle when I think of the awkward ultrasound because the stupid evil object looks like a dildo. I'm going to laugh when I have to go to an ultrasound later when Kyle is with me.

-I just ordered my mom and mother-in-laws Christmas gifts on etsy. I'm addicted.

-I have imaginary children so that I can practice saying "come here Allie Kate and Harrison!". Ok maybe I don't actually have imaginary kids, but I have daydreams.

-This waiting game is killing me! God just slap me over the head and tell me to be patient!

What's up

Marriage

I miss Kyle. We have been so busy this week that we have barely seen each other. I was at one awesome girls night last night! Hi Whitney!! Thanks for reading my blog :) When I got home I was exhausted, and went to bed. Today I went to dinner/movie with my daddy, and Kyle will be at choir until 9. We've been irritable, and poopy to each other. I just want him to come home, and we can hold hands while watching our shows.

We made a plan for the holidays recently. Last year didn't work so well so we needed to make a written in stone plan. That is the most stressful thing about marriage so far. Obviously we both want to do our family traditions, but they all happen at the same freakin' time! We made a plan that was fair. Stupid compromising! I hate being an adult! Basically we will switch off years which time of day we visit with each family. It's fair. Glad that discussion is over.

Baby Making

I am about to go crazy! I try not to think about it. I am wondering if it worked. I know its WAY too early to tell...I know I know. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I just want to know yay or nay so I can go from there. I might go crazy.

Misc

Work has been really frustrating me. Not my actual job, just being in a school. I can't do my job and be a teacher/disciple person no matter how much I want to. Some days I wonder if I should teach, then five minutes later I change my mind. I have talked to school people there about it, and I really think they'd hire me. There is no job though :( I can't decide what I want. I LOVE my job, but part of me would like to teach special education or ALE. I don't know. We'll see what God shows me. He has a plan, and he's doing amazing things in my life. I'm blessed to have a job I love to go to everyday no matter how frustrated I get sometimes.

Random Thought

Why do I hum inappropriate words, or sing inappropriate songs that I make up? I'm such a weirdo. I became a pervert when I got married.

Day 18

Marriage

I got bored while Kyle was out the other day, and started watching some of our shows on the dvr. I couldn't help it! It's our thing, and I killed it! He was a little upset. I'm such a jerk. Tonight we are watching alllllll our shows so he's ok :) I make sure to sing the theme songs extra loud to make up for it!

Baby Making

This has been the longest month ever!

Today is CD18. The opk thing has been a freakin' awesome help! According to the tests I have "waved" sometime over the past few days. Now I wait...............

Misc

Melissa! I got part of your gift in the mail yesterday, and I'm still waiting on the next one. We can meet up when I get it in ok?

What should I make for thanksgiving this year? I usually bring a side and a dessert. Help!

Quick Post

This comic strip was cute, and made me laugh. Sorry if it's hard to read!

Here is visual aid from the film "Look who's talking"

My body better look like that right now! Haha that movie cracks me up! Talking spermies...hehe

Darker!

The test line on the ovulation sticks have been getting darker the past few days! Yay! I am wondering now if I should have asked about my follicles. When I had the "awkward ultrasound" three weeks ago-ish I think they were just checking for cysts or whatever . My doctor just kept talking about how clomid is the next step if we are still ready to have kids. No ovary/follicle information. Oh well. Keep praying my prayer warrior friends! Maybe if I say "baby" enough I'll get one! Baby baby baby baby baby baby baby!

Tonight I cooked a delicious dinner, and we are going to relax and watch movies!

I did post!

My parents are going through a really hard time. They've been going through a bad time for 20+ years. Since my brother and I are out of the house forever everything has erupted. It's sad. It breaks my heart to see two people so unhappy. I know it's been like this my whole life. I am going to pray everyday for them. I don't know what will happen, but I just want both of them to be happy. My brother and I are fighting about it all. Grrr! I'm glad I"m 25 years old and married off so I don't have to deal with it 24/7. It's still hard though. My husband has been such a wonderful perfect support with all the craziness going on! I love him!

On the baby front....working on it! We are on CD15.

I'm sitting in Fayetteville for my FIL's major back surgery. He should be out soon. I'm sure it's going well. I am getting paperwork done, and being entertained by people in the waiting room. Doctor came out earlier to talk to a family about their relatives vagina surgery. Seriously...I do not need to hear the term "flaps and folds" EVER AGAIN!

Busy

Things are busy this week. I might not blog much. Work is INSANELY busy. Tomorrow night we are driving up to Fayetteville to stay in a hotel. My FIL is having back surgery at like 5am on thursday. Pray for him! He's a wonderful man, and poor guy has had like 7 back surgeries. Alright I'm tired. Going to bed.

Church breakdown

Get ready!

The following comes from the same chick who made comments to me a month or so ago. I TOTALLY forgot to blog about this crazy story from last weekend. I'm sorry. I told a few people, and never blogged. So she announced that she is pregnant in SS. I was kind of ridiculous about it in my own head, and told Kyle "I think I died a little". I was wrong for being that way, but she had no idea I thought/said that. Well that night at the Fall Festival I told her to rub that pregnancy dust on me or something like that. We were laughing about it, and she says "I know you were completely devastated in class today. I know you, and I know how you think. I'd feel the same way too if I were in you." and then proceed to remind me that she "knows me and my thinking". I was pissed. I'm glad she's pregnant. Yay for her, but DO NOT try to tell me how I think when we are NOT close friends, and RARELY talk. Grrr I fumed about that for a while. It hurt! It was already hard enough hearing pregnancy announcements, but to say what she did was unnecessary.

Today I'm sitting in SS, and telling that one chick that I couldn't make it to a baby shower for a girl in our class today because I had a family lunch to go to. She was like "well it doesn't start until 2". I thought about it, and said I could try to make it if its ok to be late. She looked at me and said "You never come to anything. You know that if you don't come to their baby showers, they won't come to yours". Wow, did that really need to be said? True, but you don't say that. Then someone else announces they are pregnant. Seriously, its in the water! We are like one of 4 couples not pregnant. It's crazy. Later I was sitting in church before the service started and texting my bestie Sarah H. Suddenly she was right next to me! Perfect timing! She was mad about what that chick said. I was ok, and told my MIL about it who was on the other side of me. She was very comforting, and telling me I need to tell the chick to be more sensitive. I was ok, and then a few minutes later the tears started streaming. I could not stop them. Then the beginning stages of completely bawling started, and I decided to head to the bathroom. I almost lost it. I could not stop crying, and I was about to hyperventilate. My MIL was INCREDIBLE at calming me down. She told me how God had an amazing plan for us, and OUR baby would happen in His time. She was so comforting, and I love her for it. She started crying too. All I could say was "It's just so hard sometimes". Then she gave me advice on what to say to crazy lady later. It took me forever to calm down. THEN my lovely best buddy/therapist/coworker came in to comfort me to. She freakin' rocks! She is so calm, and knows exactly what to say. Haha I had a therapy session in the church bathroom! I was better, but still very teary eyed. A girl in my SS class gave me a hug during singing time. I LOVE people like that who don't try to pry, but give me an encouraging hug or thought. So tonight I sent a message to all the girls in my SS class who saw me upset minus that one chick. I thanked them for being comforting, and explained my fertile issues. I feel better.

I have the most awesome best friend/coworker ever! Tonight we had girl fun. We went to Michaels, Books-A-Million, and Target to get craft stuff. We each started painting a canvas with our names on it for outside our office. We made inappropriately shaped cookies too :) We watched Toddlers and Tiaras, and made fun of stupid people! We laughed as I ran around her living room with a giant sperm cookie! I love her. She's hilarious, and a crazy awesome listener/advice giver! OH and I had the salty caramel hot chocolate from starbucks...changed my life! Yum yum yum! I really needed good girl best friend time. We are always so busy with work and at work w/each other that we don't get to hang out and relax! Her sister recommended that I read Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity...you've been a bad friend to us". So we both went out and bought it. I've started reading two pages so far, and its INCREDIBLE! Totally going to help me through my ridiculous insecurities, and become closer to God. Sarah H. and I are also going to start a bible study soon with some other girl friends. I'm excited! I'll try to update on here how the book is going.

I also have other fabulous friends like Sarah K. and Melissa! Sarah and I have the same freakin' life all the time! Our drama falls on the same days! She's hilarious. When we vent we say bad words, and its funny. I'm just as fired up as she is when she's telling me whats going on. My heart was a racing, and I wanted to punch someone I don't even know! I also angry type, and spell things wrong. We both got addicted to looking at etsy.com today. I have been trying to figure out what to get my future bff Melissa as a baby gift. I found the cutest Beatrix Potter pillow bookends, and a precious pillowcase dress for Miss Jorja! I really love buying baby gifts for people! I just only buy stuff for people I like, is that bad?

I have a horrible crying headache. Today was rough, but got better when God reminded me that I have some pretty incredible friends! I also have a husband who loves me no matter how crazy and emotional I get. He's a tough man to put up with little ole' me!

Random Thought

I searched for a pen I was using all night, and found it stuck in the fat of my thigh. Wow...reason #494949483838382920 that I am going to start walking this week.

Game on!

Update: All the parent drama has calmed down some. My dad went to the doctor and found out blood pressure meds were causing some mild depression, and he had all kinds of other tests because he's very overweight. I called my mom out on all their crap. Of course, she swept it under a rug like always and hasn't mentioned it since. If we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist :(

Marriage

Last night was date night! We went to the mall to eat, and then saw Red. I feel like a teenager when we go eat in the food court. The movie was really funny and action packed! Bruce Willis is the only man who can pull off that bald look, and be sexy. We held hands through most of the movie :) I was wearing jeans, turtleneck, pullover, and a scarf. Towards the end of the movie I started having a horrible hot flash! I ripped off the scarf, and my headache was now throbbing. I felt like I was going through menopause. My hubs was sweet, and held my hand again. I was ok until the movie was over. The nice 40 degrees weather made me feel better! We both get so giddy when we go on date night. Our 2nd or 3rd date was to see American Gangster with my parents haha. We held hands for the first time :) We kissed on our first date though...we are weird. Today we had saturday morning snuggle time! It's so cute and funny. He tried to put his feet in my face, and said "this is how it would be if I didn't have arms". Weirdo! Today we are going to make pioneer woman chili, and some sugar cookies for tonights game watching with our parents.

Baby Making

The last clomid was taken at 8:18am yesterday! Let the baby making begin! I've been tracking my basal temp, but it's so random I think I'm doing it wrong. I need to just wake up, grab the thermometer, and take it then. I think I'm moving the blanket off me, and its make my temp off. My "lady" was weird! It was a full cycle, but seriously.....3 months of no "lady" looks weird. Don't worry, I won't go into details. I started peeing on ovulation sticks today, no ovulation today! Ok I hate the term ovulation so we are going to change it to "waving" or "wave". Because when I do "wave" my body is saying "HEY, baby up! Get to work!!"

So I was trying to find a different term for ovulation, and Kyle suggested looking on urban dictionary. This is what it said:

Ovulation (Oh-vu-lai-sion), -noun, -verb. Noun, (plural form: Ovulations) Any crusty cake, e.g. brownie, which is made by a woman who is in the middle of her menstrual cycle Verb, Ovulate When a woman, or occasionaly a man, bakes any crusty cake, e.g. brownie, during his/hers/its menstrual cycle.

Noun:
Foreign Dude: Hey man, these taste awesome. Are they brownies?

Chill, Non-Foreign Dude: Nah, they are ovulations, my girlfriend made them, it was that time of the month anyway.

Verb:
Dude to another dude: My girlfriend is so great at ovulating, the brownies she can ovulate are simply the best.

GROSS!!!!!!!!! I should have known better than to look on there.

So yeah...I'm ready for this! I'm still nervous, but praying everyday that God will continue to show me that He is in control! I'm praying for a squishy sperm finding it's perfect egg. My eggs are Grade A, get it?? haha! Happy 12 Days of Sexmus everyone!

So my little readers, would ya'll say a prayer for me this month?

Misc

I love to vacuum! I could vacuum all day! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new oreck I got for my birthday! It's light, and gets the job done! I also like my little shark vac because I can clean my baseboards (which I have never done hehe) and my couches! If I could ignore dishes, mopping, and laundry and ONLY vacuum I'd be the best housewife! There is still 3 loads of laundry on the couch waiting to be folded. I am pretty sure it's been there for 2 weeks. I hate folding because I know they'll have to be put up! I get to vacuum in a little bit :):):)

Last week I went to see Fiddler on the Roof at the convention center. My bud Sarah H. was supposed to go, but she had an emergency to deal with. So...we gave her ticket to my mom. It was AMAZING! I freakin' love that musical! They did a great job, and I'm glad it was off broadway, and not lame college kids.

Random Thought

I love the movie Shutter Island! Kyle bought it for my for my b-day! If you haven't seen it, go rent it!

Family Frustrations

Warning: This post does not flow well. I just need to vent so my thoughts are jumbled.

My mom and I got into the discussion today about being a stay at home mom. She doesn't understand why I want to work after I have my kids. She and my MIL will be babysitting so I don't know why its a big deal. I've explained to her 100 times my reasons. Growing up my mom stayed at home, and my dad resented her, wait STILL RESENTS her every freakin' day for it. He thinks he was neglected, and always the bad guy. Blah blah blah. There is a whole big story that I don't want to go into details about just in case they read this. Basically I only saw my dad at night after he got off work, and have very few memories of him playing with us. He loved us, but he was always so focused on money and moving up. My parents worked in fast food until I was in high school fyi. Now they own businesses, and can buy whatever they want. I know it was a struggle when we were younger, especially with my mom not working. I know their issues and resentment crap involve more than just that. Over the years they have fought about how to raise us, and just lost that lovin' feeling. I'm not sure I ever saw them be affectionate. Is it awful that I would prefer them to just separate? I don't live there (although I live 3 minutes away), but I'm so tired of hearing/dealing with it. I'm tired of 20+ year old problems, and stupid resentment crap! I'm tired of seeing my parents miserable with each other.

My parents are still married, but I don't know why. I have wished that they got divorced many times. I can't put my child through that. They are fighting a lot right now. It's so hard to hear about on the phone. I'm so tired of it. I have had such a skewed view on love, and went through bad relationships because I never saw what a loving couple was. I probably don't appreciate Kyle as much as I should because I feel like I never learned how to love correctly. You know what I mean? I know our situation is different, and I am married to a wonderful man. It's hard to not be effected by my whole freakin' childhood/life. I don't have a calling to stay at home anyways. The summer after we got married I worked at little at my parents skating rink. I worked maybe twice a week. I was going to sub in the fall, and needed a mental break since I graduated college, and then got married the next week. I tried to clean, and have dinner cooked every night. It was hard. I hated it. I was bored. I felt guilty that I wasn't contributing. I want to work. I don't want to be my parents.

I know I know I know I'm being crazy! I am trained to deal with emotional situations like this, but my life isn't my work I know the right answer. I know I'm being ridiculous, but they are my feelings. Poor keyboard, you were beaten while I typed this blog post.

RAWRRRRRRRR!

Random freak out!

I'm so nervous that I'm going to mess something up. I'm afraid I'll miss my ovulation days even though I will do "the married thing" everyday, and pee on ovulation sticks. I'm afraid I won't ovulate. I'm afraid I'll be pumping myself full of fertility meds for a year. I need encouragement. It's only CD6, I'm only on day 2 of clomid. I'm being a crazy weirdo! I just want it to work! Am I being selfish? God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan. Meagan stop trying to do everything by yourself. AHHHH!

On a happy note: I had a freakin' awesome day at work! I felt so needed today, and loved every minute of it :)

Big 2-5 and Day 5!

Well I turned 25 on Sunday. Seriously...I feel old now. My birthday weekend was wonderful though! Friday we went to my parents and ate part of my birthday cupcake cake. They were strawberry cupcakes just like part of my wedding cake! Mmmmmmmm! I love having a Halloween birthday. It's fun, and I always get a fall/pumpkin/candy themed cake! On saturday we went to the razorback game, but stopped at Copelands to eat birthday lunch with our parents. It was DELICIOUS! I got gumbo, and crawfish etouffee. On sunday we went to church, took a glorious nap, and worked the bowling booth at the church fall festival. It was a busy weekend. Oh yeah I got gifts! I got a nice oreck vacuum from my parents, a shark hand vac from my in-laws, and season 1 of Glee from my hubby! Yeah I totally asked for a vacuum for my birthday. *sigh* I'm so old. Oh yeah and my friend/coworker gave me a bunch of dirty items from Spencer's gift for the 12 days of Sexmus haha!

Marriage

Kyle has been a crazy wonderful blessing this weekend! I mean he's always a blessing, but he was like above and beyond awesome! Not like that you perverts! He has been such an encouragement. He's very positive, and talks about how God has put us through this to show us His love and how to be patient. Kyle said "He's going to give us a beautiful blessing baby one day". He's also been hilarious, and flirty. I feel like we are back to dating/engaged again sometimes! We get to go on a date this week to a movie since we were too busy this weekend! We are going to hold hands! I love my husband!

Baby Making

Today I started clomid (Day 5)! I woke up all excited! I almost choked while swallowing it because I was so excited! No side effects so far. I feel confident that we are going in the right direction. Kyle thinks it will work this first time around because of the statistics, and the only problem we are having is that I stopped ovulating. I hope he's right. I want to be a mother. I want to have a little piece of me and Kyle (that will totally be adorable). I want to be pregnant. I want to feel the alien baby move inside me, and let Kyle feel it too. I want to watch my fat turn into a nice preggo shape. I want to get the drugs that help me give birth because we all know how low my pain tolerance is :) I want to hold my precious baby, and play with it's little baby hair while it sleeps! It's God's timing though, and I have to TRUST that He will give us that miracle one day.

So I laughed when I read articles that say one of clomid's side effects is multiples. I didn't know babies could be a side effect. I would not do well with multiples, haha. One is enough for me at one time! I am ready to use my baby names though! Allie and Harrison....I'll be waiting for you!

A big shout out to Sarah and Melissa for being such amazing supporters! You two are such wonderful blessings to me! I appreciate everything!

Misc

Kyle and I are addicted to zombie movies/tv shows again. The new show called The Walking Dead on AMC is AWESOME!!!!

Random Thought

One of the most embarrassing things to me is when my stomach growls, or I need to fart and my stomach makes a weird sound. :)

Happy Friday!

I had the best day at work today! God really blessed me today. I'll admit, I was pretty down about my crappy day Wednesday. I was worried the rest of the week would be that way. Today I got a lot done, and dealt well with situations that came up. My kids cracked me up today with silly drama, and goofy moments. One of my favorite parts of my day has been the last hour. I spent a lot of time walking up and down the halls with my job, and I have gotten to know the kids in special ed. They are wonderful, precious angels. I decided to join them last hour to make halloween masks. We had to be really quiet because a class was using the room we were in. These kids have no volume control so you'd randomly hear a "HEY HEY" or "HAPPY FRIDAY". They also giggle at each other, and they would open their mouths really wide as if they were laughing with no noise coming out. I laughed so hard, out loud haha. My mask sucked, but theirs were good! We had a good time. I feel like I have a passion for kids with special needs. Maybe I'll go get my special ed certification one day. Today I felt very loved and appreciated. Everyone I worked with needed me today, and were very appreciative of my help. I am doing a good job! I love my job :)

Marriage

Kyle made homemade pizzas tonight, and they were DELICIOUS! He's so cute when he cooks because he gets so excited about it. He won't let me help, and is all secretive in the kitchen. He's like a little kid who is proud of himself :)

Baby Making

Well we are on Day 2. I told the nurse I work with at the school about my "lady" finally being here and we both screamed and jumped up and down. Yeah, we are cool. I'm not cramping as bad today which is a plus. Only 3 more days until my first day of Clomid! I have a calendar all ready with dates to pay attention to. I'm ready for this...ready ready ready. God has a plan, and it's all in HIS timing.

Misc

I love watching scary movies! We are currently watching Paranormal Activity, and it sucks. I'm weird though...movies like The Strangers totally freak me out, and I refuse to look out my window at night because of it. I saw the movie IT years ago when I was like 7, and I am scared of storm drains and clowns because of it. I love the feeling of being scared while watching a movie. I am also afraid of the dark :) OH MY GOSH I totally watched an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? the other day....still kinda scary!

Random Thought

Does it make me a fatty when I want to eat just icing? Yes :)

Hello Miss Lady

She's here! My wonderful, glorious "lady" is here! I haven't seen you since the middle of July! I'm not in crazy crampy pain yet, but oh gosh...I'm sure it'll happen. So apparently the pharmacy (yesterday) messed up and didn't put that I was supposed to take 2 (instead of just 1) progesterone pills starting yesterday . Oh well, it worked anyways! Yay!!!!!!!

Ladies and Kyle (only man who reads this thing),

Today is Day 1.

Let's do this!

Dear Day 5,

Don't worry, I won't forget about you. I'll take my clomid like a big girl!

I had a bad day

Today sucked! Totally and completely sucked! Lots of crazy stuff going on at work, and it just kept getting worse and worse all day. I didn't have answers for all the questions people asked me today, and I was just overwhelmed. My head is pounding from the crap today. It was just so constant! I had no time to sit down, eat, or drink anything. It's over, but it's not you know? I can't go to bed at 6:40pm knowing that I have a bunch of stuff to get done the next two days. Forgive me if my post isn't upbeat.

My 25th birthday is Sunday! I got my first birthday card yesterday! Woo!

Marriage

My husband is so funny! He says and does the silliest things sometimes. I have worked really hard lately to put work aside, and enjoy our tv show nights. I always sing the theme song of each show, and Kyle thinks it's adorable and hilarious. It's a gift :) I'm pumped about my birthday! He is really sweet, and loves to surprise me. Morning snuggles are still precious to me! I love holding that boys hand.

Baby Making

Well I started another round of that progesterone stuff today. They gave me 20 pills instead of 10 which I guess is the double dose they were talking about. Let's pray this works! The nurses I talk to are so nice. At Walgreen's they know me now :( They now ask if I would like to speak to the pharmacist about my prescription :/ seriously...I can read instructions! Are these meds so serious that I need assistance? I won't screw it up, no worries! I appreciate the concern.

Not sure if it's all the hormones the meds produce but I had a few days of random crying. I cried/teary eyed when eating breakfast, and watching any of my shows. I hate it! I hate crying because I always get a bad headache that feels like a hangover. Yes, I know what a hangover feels like. I went through a few bad months in college ok. Also, my friend told me today that I have been moody too. Great.

Misc

I came into work on saturday to file with my boss for only 4 hours max...we were there 8 freakin' hours! I was filing and filing from 7am-4pm with only a little 30 minute break chatting with a co-worker. Was it hard? No, just time consuming! I swore I forgot my alphabet 1,000 times, stupid alphabetical order. Well I felt accomplished after doing that, and it made up for all the times I may have not put in 100% some days (mainly when I missed 2 hours for doctors appts). Today I got an email from the outpatient clinic manager thanking me for my help. THANK YOU...that made me get through my sucky stupid sucky day! Kyle had some really sweet and funny messages too which helped :)

I have a creepy love of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I know it's a vulgar weird movie, but there a few songs I really like. I LOVED every second of the Rocky Horror Glee last night! I almost peed with excitement! They did an awesome job, and totally kicked the original singers butts. Susan Sarandon was an awful singer in that movie. I still love Glee, don't judge me!

I can't keep up with my housecleaning :( Oh and laundry is the devil! Someone clean my house for me. That's what I want for my b-day...a clean house.

Random Thought

My stupid dog barks alllllll the time (Abby does it too*kyle's dog*). It's VERY annoying, and Kyle is amazing to go deal with her. I'm afraid I'll stop liking her if I deal with her. I had a problem with big dogs when I got her, and thought I'd get over it. I love Dottie, I really do. She's just so big and annoying right now. She barks at the house for no reason. It's ridiculous. I'm embarrassed that she's so bad! I need to just realize that she's a big ol' lab puppy, and they are this way for the first year or two. I just don't want to stop loving her you know? It's silly.

LADY!!!!!!!!!! All caps means I'm serious!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY have I not started yet?????? I have all the symptoms, but no "lady"! My boobs are sore, my face is broken out like a 13 year old, and I just feel like I could start any second, but my body hates me. Should I wait a few days then call the doctor to get another round of it or what? Hurry the frick up you stupid body! I want to use my clomid, but I can't yet!!!!!!!!!!!! Dlfkja;sldfkja;sldkfja;lskdfjldaskfsd;lakfjlsadkffsad I just want to scream and cry!

I just want to have a big girl cry, but I'm holding it in. Ok maybe not that great...little tears are streaming down my face. What's wrong with me? I just deleted like 10 friends on facebook for no reason. Maybe I just need to go to bed.

Lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Lady"!!!!!!! Where are you????? Day 10 pill was thursday, and if you don't hurry your butt up I have to get back on that crap mon/tues! I currently hate you, and you better show up tomorrow. I bought ovulation tests, basal thermometer, and my clomid is calling my name but NOOOOOOOOOO you want to make me mad! Hate you.

P.S. I totally went into work to file stuff from 7am-3pm which might explain my grumpiness :(

It's in!

Marriage

I love morning snuggling! Our 10 alarms go off, and we keep hitting off to wait for the next alarm. We'll roll over and snuggle, or hold hands. It's so sweet! The bad thing is when one of us snuggles too tight. We both feel the need to pee, haha...aaaahhh morning pee! You can't snuggle when your bladder is about to explode!

Baby making

I officially have my Clomid (generic brand actually, thanks Walgreens for helping me save money!). I wasn't going to pick it up until my "lady" started back up, but Walgreens kept calling and reminding me my prescription was in haha. I got there, and the lady looked at my meds and walked over to some weird dude. The guy had a thick random accent, and he looked serious as we walked towards me. He started asking me if I knew how "serious and important" the medication. Then he continued to tell me that I need to be "very careful, and track EVERYTHING". Seriously...it's like I have homework everyday when I get on it! Now I'm afraid I'll mess it all up! I feel like an idiot. I thought a basal thermometer was the same as the normal ones. :( I am not prepared for all this! I suck at researching. Am I terrible? I took day 10 of the progesterone stuff so uhm....LADY where are you???? If you don't appear by Monday I have to start it over :(

Misc

Work has been crazy lately. I tried to be all organized all week, and NOTHING has gone as planned. Why do I even try to schedule stuff? I have meetings tomorrow, and then I have to work from 7am-9am saturday. I need a vacation!

Random Thought

I find it very awkward when old boyfriends from like junior high who are married with kids say things like "You were, and are so pretty still". AWKWARD

Doctor's visit results!

Alright ladies and Kyle...I went to the doctor today. I'll tell you about it with a positive/funny attitude, then express the other side of me.

Humorous

-Seriously...it was sooo packed today! Everyone in that room was pregnant. I had two appointments,and I got in both pretty fast. I got so many dirty looks because I'd get out of one, sit for 10 minutes, and get called into the next. Some people had been waiting over an hour. Hehe

-I went in for a pelvic ultrasound, got that, and SURPRISE a va jay jay ultrasound. Oh my gosh...I feel violated today. The UT was so nice, and I really liked her but I wouldn't pay money to do that job. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and hurt! My ovaries were being shoved around,and things were pressed that shouldn't be! I won't go into anymore details, but it was a very strange/interesting 20 minutes. Lots of pictures taken of my innards

-So for the va jay jay thing they use this interesting looking device...hehe. I wanted to take a pic of it. It looked like a creepy dildo. Yup, I said dildo on my blog!

-I was trying to make conversation, and asked the UT "So what kind of lubricant do ya'll use for these tests?" What the crap??? I'm so retarded. I felt like a stupid dumb weirdo for asking that. They use KY, fyi :)

-My doctor is talking about putting me on some medication, and I said "Clomid?" She was like "YES, how did you know". I replied..."I read blogs, haha"

-I love my doctor! She is the sweetest, cutest lady ever! She's bubbly, and repeated back all the events in the past few months that I've gotten tests and stuff. Thank you Dr. for actually taking the time to read my chart!

Serious

-All the ultrasounds showed that everything is ok. I can rule out cysts, PCOS, endometriosis, and anything else. Basically, I'm just not ovulating.

-Because I am not ovulating, and I am trying to get pregnant my doctor wants to put me on Clomid

-Part of me feels like a failure. I should have lost weight, or done something different. Why would I stop ovulating after being off the pills since february? Why stop in July? Why not in the beginning?

-I feel like getting on Clomid means I have infertility issues. I know it's purpose right now is to get my levels back up, but still..google it and it says "used for infertility".

-Clomid means tracking stuff a lot, and really being detailed. I have to be organized, and keep track of things! I have to now worry about taking the clomid on the 5-9th day, have sex on 12-20, and go back to the doctor to check levels on the 2? something day. See I already forgot!

-Maybe this is the reason I've been reading infertility blogs for over a year. I totally know the lingo!

-I'm ok. I have an AMAZING husband who has said EXACTLY the right words today.

-I'm not sad or anything. I'm just kind of like "ok well this is where we are...let's do this!"

God has a perfect plan, I just have to trust Him :)

Sickness/Drama

Marriage

I was sick this whole weekend, and Kyle was sweet enough to let me sleep and relax . I am not a good sick person. I always think I'm dying. I am constantly sayings "I'm dying" or grabbing his hand saying silly stuff like "If I die you can have the dogs" and my fav in a very sad voice.."love another". I'm weird. We had a really stupid fight tonight over sickness/why I won't go to a doctor stuff...it made me really sad/mad. I hate fights. We are now sitting next to each other on the couch watching tv...we'll be ok :)

OH OH OH speaking of fights! I totally almost flipped out on a girl this week. I know I am awful at church stuff, and I am very awkward about it. So I don't want to go into the whole story because I am ok with it all now. Basically this girl was trying to encourage me to get involved more in our SS class and church in the total wrong way. She's a very blunt person, and everything she said did not come off right. At one point she said "I just feel so sorry for Kyle sometimes when he has to say "I don't know" when we ask where you are". What the crap? You feel sorry for my husband? Later she said something like "I just don't want you and Kyle to be unhappy". Wow..so yeah I took it the wrong way. Other things were said, and they were just as offensive even though down deep she had the best intentions. So my hubby talked to her hubby that night and explained how I am with church, and struggles I have. In the end her husband talked to her about it, and I had a FB message apology with a little "I will just never talk about this stuff to you anymore" at the end. I sent a reply back stating again that I appreciate her concern, and explained what made me upset. I got no reply back. Oh well. That whole situation fired me up, and sought Godly counsel from my lovely buddy Sarah Kilbreth! She's the best!

Baby making

So I finally called my doctor's office. I know I know...I should have done it weeks ago. They put me on medroxyprogesterone for 10 days starting this past tuesday. I go to the doctor this coming tuesday to get a pelvic ultrasound, and then immediately go to an appointment with my lady doctor. Hopefully these things will give me answers, right? I feel like something is wrong with me. I wake up, and look at this pudgy squishy girl in the mirror. I need to get motivated to lose weight for myself, and a future spawn. So yeah...that's all I have on this topic.

Misc

I'm such a confident person at work on the outside. Inside I am freaking out, and worried I'm messing up all the time. I'm sure I make little mistakes each day, but this week I did something good. I grew a set of man balls, and went out to deal with an issue with grown ups. I was soooooo nervous, but it all worked out fine! Goooooo me! My boss came on Friday for a meeting, and she told me I'm awesome, and am doing a great job. :) I try so hard, and I love my boss for saying things like that to me! I feel like I am too harsh and teachy with kids sometimes, but I guess I'm just being awesome :) This week will be hectic. Lots of random stuff going on, just getting over being sick, and I have those doctors appointments so yeah...pray for me this week.

Random Thought

Why is it when you are sick, and go potty you feel like you could just sit there all day? I guess from all the lack of energy huh?

HIMYM

Did anyone watch How I Met Your Mother tonight? yeah...that episode was too close to home (Marshall and Lily) part. I cried. Ok so hopefully tomorrow my doctor should authorize me taking some progesterone or whatever pill to jump start things again. Thank you Sarah for kicking me in the butt today! I needed it!

Branson!

I completely forgot to take pictures of our weekend...oh well.

Marriage

Kyle and I went to Branson for the weekend with some of his/our newlywed friends. It was a very relaxing fun weekend! We have only been married a year, but we felt so old and married haha. It was great! We were the wise married couple. My husband is just so funny and cute. All weekend he was being a goofyface, and so affectionate. I love him to pieces! I went shopping a bunch at outlet stores, and got some cute stuff. Kyle and I carried on our tradition of buying a new christmas ornament each year. Oh...haha there is some pickle ornament that apparently German's hide in a tree or something for fun. I wanted one, but yeah it'd be weird to look at our tree then BAM....random pickle. Pickles make me think of That's What She Said jokes haha

Baby Making

Grrr...ok this one frustrates me. I know I know I said I was going to be better about it, but this weekend brought up some thoughts. So on Friday night I went potty, and I noticed "hey that's my lady (not much just a little)!!" I was excited because my body was back to normal, and that means I don't have to call my doctor this week! The next day I was cramping, and my lady was less noticeable. Then today...no lady at all. I'm not bloated, the girls (boobies!) have not been tender, and the cramping is gone. What does this mean? Was it just light spotting that shows that my body is trying to get back to normal? I've read tons of stuff online, and I don't want to call my doctor because its a waste of money to go in. Kyle thinks I need to pee on a stick just in case. I don't want to because seeing a lovely "negative or -" is starting to hurt my feelings. Kyle was very "baby happy" this weekend in Branson. He noticed little kids a lot, cute clothes, and let me buy a baby baseball christmas ornament. We both looked at each other when we drove by the sign pointing towards "Harrison". We also saw this adorable superman/batman onesie at an outlet store. I love when he shows interest in baby stuff. So yeah..what do you think?

Misc

I hate when you go on weekend trips, and come home with a tummy ache. Seriously..I need to get over my fear of unknown bathrooms!

Random Thought

I get confused sometimes of when to use "well" or "good". I also tried to help a kid with english homework, and I totally forgot what an adverb was. I know my awful grammar drives you crazy sometimes Sarah :)

I love Falll

The weather has been amazing and crispy in the morning. I love it! It makes me want to go outside and take a long walk. Fall is also a time of awesome shows! Our DVR is overloaded every night with shows we love, and new ones we are trying out. It makes a long work day better when I have couple time full of shows in the evenings!

Marriage

My husband has been making me feel like a beautiful lady this week. He randomly says sweet little comments like "You are so cute" or "I like you". Ahh the little things :) He's got some big secret plan/present idea for my birthday at the end of the month. I am not a patient person! I want to know what it is now!!!

Baby Makin

Still no "lady". Not sure when to call the nurse/doctor again. Do I just wait a few more weeks? I mean...my body still shouldn't be messed up right? I've had no lady since the middle of July. At the end of August I had blood tests done for pregnancy, thyroid, and something else (I can't remember). Negative P-test, and results all came back normal for the other stuff. I have been stressed, but seriously...it shouldn't keep skipping. Not sure what to do. Maybe I'm avoiding what the possibilities which DO NOT include a baby. I don't think about it much, but I do know eventually I have to get my body back on track. I know I'm a broken record on all this stuff, but its my blog and yeah...I win!

Misc

I had an incident happen at work this week that had me more mad than I have been in years! I can't go into detail, but let me tell you..I was fuming!!!! Adults are worse than kids sometimes! I tried using my coping skills I tell kids everyday, but NOTHING would work. I calmed down after hours and hours of my face being hot with fury. Then my WONDERFUL husband took me with him to get his haircut, and dropped me off at Kohl's! I bought myself a pair of jeans. None of my jeans fit from last year because well...I'm a husky girl haha. It's ok, I am proud that I am not in the HUGE size I was a few months ago. Ok fine...the brand is usually too big so I got to buy a size under what I wear. Seriously when did sizes change so much with pants and bras? I have changed bra sizes big time in less than a year. Stupid sizes. I hate you Victoria Secret!!!!!! Your like to make bras for little bitty teeny you know...boobs! Big girls like me get the shaft :(

Random Thought

Why do I still giggle when I hear a fart sound? Seriously....I'm almost 25 years old. I guess it's one of those things that will make me laugh until I am old and gray.

Names

Marriage

So Kyle and I were talking tonight during commercials. I was telling him about a little redneck boy I met today named Draven. Kyle thought it was a stupid name. I told him I had thought of some unique names earlier for our future children. He hates them because he's still 100% set on the ones we already have ready to use. I LOVE the names we have picked out, but I need back up names you know? So here's what we have: Italics are for set in stone names. Tell me what you think!

Allie Kate(Yup Allie off The Notebook)

Madeline Adele(my grandma who died last year's middle name)

Mackenzie Anne(my middle name)

Harrison Wayne(Wayne is my FIL middle name)

Delton/Dalton

Drayton

Baby Making

Well...haven't been thinking about it much actually! I thought about those baby names stuff today without feeling sad or lacking patience. Woo! Progress!

Misc

Today at work I rocked! Lots of progress, and lots of good things happening even though it was hectic for a few hours!

Random Thought

Who invented mini nilla wafers? They are awesome, and make me feel like I'm not being a fatty!

Last week

Marriage

Kyle has been extra sweet and snuggly this past week. He's always sweet, but this is love 24/7! I think a lot of it is because he was gone all last week. I love every minute it. I get extra little hugs, and kisses. Last week I was off work for part of the day and we went on a date! We went to Taco Bell for lunch! We totally acted like it was a date, and were all awkward. We do that sometimes. In the car we were like "So uhm I had a great time Kyle. Call me?" and he said something like "Yeah I had a good time too. We should do this again", and then he proceeded with a very inappropriate comment. We were never like that when we dated because we'd known each other for years. I have been extra appreciative of him. I tell him all the time how much I love him and I say thank you and please more!

Baby Makin

I was very frustrated about no baby this week. I torture myself just thinking about it. A few things happened this week that well...I didn't handle well. Kyle's cousin came over to his work to show off their new baby girl Karrigan. I wouldn't even touch the baby. I was so weird! Now newborns scare me because of their wiggly heads, and I'm afraid they will break. I was so awkward, and I know people thought I was a total freak and rude for not wanting to go near the baby. Another part of me doesn't want to be happy for people who have babies right now. How rude right? I'm a terrible person. I'm being selfish and ridiculous! I'm not even trying to have a baby that hard so why am I complaining! I need to stop it. Well this weekend at a tailgate I held one of Kyle's good friend's baby Jacob. I LOVED IT! That baby was sooooo cute and all smiley! He was 5 months old so his head didn't wobble :) Kyle held him first, and I was like all awwwwwwwww because you could tell Kyle wanted a baby really bad at that moment. My husband will be an amazing dad. He's such a caring, and funny person! I'm rambling, sorry. Ok so today Kyle and I had a HUGE talk on Wednesday about all kinds of stuff. The man let me vent, cry, and talk lots of topics out for hours. So here is what happened today....I gave it all up to God. Yup, me...Meagan. I am finally opening up more, and I can talk about God a little bit more comfortably. Woo! So yeah I gave it all to Him today. I felt a HUGE weight lifted. God has a perfect time for a baby, and I will patiently wait.

Misc

Pray for me this week if you think about it. Work is stressing me out a little because I don't have a consistent schedule everyday. It's my own fault. Lots going on with the kiddos, and at the school. Pray for the kids I work with. I do everyday.

Random Thought

Why do I buy bananas if I never get around to eating them? I found them today on my counter, and they were all squishy so I made banana nut bread!!

Here's a picture from our lunch date! Oh the wonderful awkward hand touch as we reach for a treat! :) Love it! Yes, we took this picture on purpose. We are cute like that!

Decision!

Alright so I have decided how to organize my blog. I will post each time something going on with married life, baby making, and then a vent/miscellaneous section. At the end I will put a random thought of that day. Be warned...I can be really weird/gross/inappropriate with my random thought

Marriage

Kyle was gone from Tuesday-Sunday last week. It was weird. He had to go to a work sign conference thing in South Dakota with his dad. He learned a lot, and had great bonding time with his dad. We've never been apart that long. I missed him a lot, mainly at night. I was CRAZY busy last week though. My mom and I talked weeks ago about deep cleaning my house. I am talking clearing out closets, and going through stuff that hasn't been touched in well....over a year. I hate cleaning, fyi. I have to be in a mood to clean. I love to vacuum though! My mom is amazing. She pushed me to get a bunch of stuff done, and worked on my house while I was at work some. I was completely behind on paperwork though. Some nights she would clean around me, and then I'd take a break and help her. That woman knows how to clean. She also knows that I need help sometimes with it because I get overwhelmed easily. My house looks sooo clean and organized now! Kyle was very impressed :( I was really stressed out all week. I barely had time to remember he wasn't there. I had either paperwork, cleaning, zumba, or extra stuff to do every night. By the time the weekend came around all I wanted to do was sit on my couch and watch movies I rented. That is exactly what I did! Kyle and I talked maybe 20 minutes each day. Well..we usually text/direct message on Echofon all day anyways. It was really hard at night. I am totally scared of the dark, but have to sleep in pitch black. I swear I heard noises, and freaked out every night . I watched too much Rescue 911 when I was younger! All those creepers breaking into houses..ahhhhh! I was glad when he finally came home! You really get used to sleeping next to someone, and never think about it until they aren't there. He liked the new Cindy Crawford sheets I splurged on! I am glad I wasn't a total mess while he was gone. I always worry that I am too dependent on him. I missed my cutie man friend!

BabyMakin'

Uhm so still no "lady". I guess I just wait until this next cycle shows up before I call my doctor again. Weird that it skips a month after being off BCP since late February. I guess I have been a little stressed with work, and possibly eating too much. Now I am cutting down calories, and doing Zumba twice a week at church. I also walk the halls A LOT at school so I am not just sitting on my buttocks being lazy. It really changes day to day on how I feel about this topic. I know I am not healthy right now, and probably not the best body to house a baby. PLUS I have to remember that GOD has a perfect time for us...and I just have to be patient.

Misc

5 Fun Facts about me

1. I'm Team Edward all the way! I do not find him attractive though. I will argue my side until I am blue in the face. I'm not a Twilight addict. I just love to read, and get so sick of teeny bopper's basing characters on looks.

2. Since I've gained weight over the years I randomly stick my finger in my belly button to see if it makes a sound.

3. I have very weird sexual dreams about Kevin Costner, Harrison Ford, and other old men like that. Kyle is always in my dreams too, standing in a corner.

4. I think I have social anxiety. I can't stand big groups, and I am so awkward and quiet around groups of adults. Yup working in mental health has caused me to self diagnose myself.

5. I love to take baths. It has to be super hot though. It's not ready until I have to jump out of it a few times because it burns my booty :)

Random Thought

Why do boys (especially 8-12 year old and 20+ year olds) feel the need to adjust/scratch/grab their "junk" all the time?

New Start

Hey! What happened to my blog? I erased all my old posts because I want to start over. Why? I want my blog to have some kind of flow to it, but not sure what. Maybe you have some ideas! Here's what is going on in my life. Hopefully I can focus on a few of these to make my blog worth reading. Help me with ideas!

-Work:4 months into my new job, and still love it! It'd be hard to post about much because I have so much confidentiality (HIPAA).

-Marriage: Past the 1st year mark in this marriage journey. Things are good. I learn something new everyday. I guess I could post about all the ups and downs, and how I learned from those things.

-Friends: I am expanding my group of friends, still small group though

-Church issues: Beliefs, struggles, and trying to figure out where I belong. I struggle with socializing in church because of past "burns" from a previous church.

-Trying to have a baby: Been trying since the end of February. Not tracking it so well because I'm lazy and forget. We aren't in a hurry, but each month of nothing is starting to suck. I had to get some blood tests done this past week because I'm late 2 months due to well not ...you know..the "O" word. Stupid nurses/doctors haven't explained my results to me clearly. Oh well.

-Weight: Trying to encourage myself to get in shape, and lose some weight. I am horrible at diets.

-Uhm...you think of a category!