Happy Friday!

I had the best day at work today! God really blessed me today. I'll admit, I was pretty down about my crappy day Wednesday. I was worried the rest of the week would be that way. Today I got a lot done, and dealt well with situations that came up. My kids cracked me up today with silly drama, and goofy moments. One of my favorite parts of my day has been the last hour. I spent a lot of time walking up and down the halls with my job, and I have gotten to know the kids in special ed. They are wonderful, precious angels. I decided to join them last hour to make halloween masks. We had to be really quiet because a class was using the room we were in. These kids have no volume control so you'd randomly hear a "HEY HEY" or "HAPPY FRIDAY". They also giggle at each other, and they would open their mouths really wide as if they were laughing with no noise coming out. I laughed so hard, out loud haha. My mask sucked, but theirs were good! We had a good time. I feel like I have a passion for kids with special needs. Maybe I'll go get my special ed certification one day. Today I felt very loved and appreciated. Everyone I worked with needed me today, and were very appreciative of my help. I am doing a good job! I love my job :)

Marriage

Kyle made homemade pizzas tonight, and they were DELICIOUS! He's so cute when he cooks because he gets so excited about it. He won't let me help, and is all secretive in the kitchen. He's like a little kid who is proud of himself :)

Baby Making

Well we are on Day 2. I told the nurse I work with at the school about my "lady" finally being here and we both screamed and jumped up and down. Yeah, we are cool. I'm not cramping as bad today which is a plus. Only 3 more days until my first day of Clomid! I have a calendar all ready with dates to pay attention to. I'm ready for this...ready ready ready. God has a plan, and it's all in HIS timing.

Misc

I love watching scary movies! We are currently watching Paranormal Activity, and it sucks. I'm weird though...movies like The Strangers totally freak me out, and I refuse to look out my window at night because of it. I saw the movie IT years ago when I was like 7, and I am scared of storm drains and clowns because of it. I love the feeling of being scared while watching a movie. I am also afraid of the dark :) OH MY GOSH I totally watched an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? the other day....still kinda scary!

Random Thought

Does it make me a fatty when I want to eat just icing? Yes :)

Hello Miss Lady

She's here! My wonderful, glorious "lady" is here! I haven't seen you since the middle of July! I'm not in crazy crampy pain yet, but oh gosh...I'm sure it'll happen. So apparently the pharmacy (yesterday) messed up and didn't put that I was supposed to take 2 (instead of just 1) progesterone pills starting yesterday . Oh well, it worked anyways! Yay!!!!!!!

Ladies and Kyle (only man who reads this thing),

Today is Day 1.

Let's do this!

Dear Day 5,

Don't worry, I won't forget about you. I'll take my clomid like a big girl!

I had a bad day

Today sucked! Totally and completely sucked! Lots of crazy stuff going on at work, and it just kept getting worse and worse all day. I didn't have answers for all the questions people asked me today, and I was just overwhelmed. My head is pounding from the crap today. It was just so constant! I had no time to sit down, eat, or drink anything. It's over, but it's not you know? I can't go to bed at 6:40pm knowing that I have a bunch of stuff to get done the next two days. Forgive me if my post isn't upbeat.

My 25th birthday is Sunday! I got my first birthday card yesterday! Woo!

Marriage

My husband is so funny! He says and does the silliest things sometimes. I have worked really hard lately to put work aside, and enjoy our tv show nights. I always sing the theme song of each show, and Kyle thinks it's adorable and hilarious. It's a gift :) I'm pumped about my birthday! He is really sweet, and loves to surprise me. Morning snuggles are still precious to me! I love holding that boys hand.

Baby Making

Well I started another round of that progesterone stuff today. They gave me 20 pills instead of 10 which I guess is the double dose they were talking about. Let's pray this works! The nurses I talk to are so nice. At Walgreen's they know me now :( They now ask if I would like to speak to the pharmacist about my prescription :/ seriously...I can read instructions! Are these meds so serious that I need assistance? I won't screw it up, no worries! I appreciate the concern.

Not sure if it's all the hormones the meds produce but I had a few days of random crying. I cried/teary eyed when eating breakfast, and watching any of my shows. I hate it! I hate crying because I always get a bad headache that feels like a hangover. Yes, I know what a hangover feels like. I went through a few bad months in college ok. Also, my friend told me today that I have been moody too. Great.

Misc

I came into work on saturday to file with my boss for only 4 hours max...we were there 8 freakin' hours! I was filing and filing from 7am-4pm with only a little 30 minute break chatting with a co-worker. Was it hard? No, just time consuming! I swore I forgot my alphabet 1,000 times, stupid alphabetical order. Well I felt accomplished after doing that, and it made up for all the times I may have not put in 100% some days (mainly when I missed 2 hours for doctors appts). Today I got an email from the outpatient clinic manager thanking me for my help. THANK YOU...that made me get through my sucky stupid sucky day! Kyle had some really sweet and funny messages too which helped :)

I have a creepy love of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I know it's a vulgar weird movie, but there a few songs I really like. I LOVED every second of the Rocky Horror Glee last night! I almost peed with excitement! They did an awesome job, and totally kicked the original singers butts. Susan Sarandon was an awful singer in that movie. I still love Glee, don't judge me!

I can't keep up with my housecleaning :( Oh and laundry is the devil! Someone clean my house for me. That's what I want for my b-day...a clean house.

Random Thought

My stupid dog barks alllllll the time (Abby does it too*kyle's dog*). It's VERY annoying, and Kyle is amazing to go deal with her. I'm afraid I'll stop liking her if I deal with her. I had a problem with big dogs when I got her, and thought I'd get over it. I love Dottie, I really do. She's just so big and annoying right now. She barks at the house for no reason. It's ridiculous. I'm embarrassed that she's so bad! I need to just realize that she's a big ol' lab puppy, and they are this way for the first year or two. I just don't want to stop loving her you know? It's silly.

LADY!!!!!!!!!! All caps means I'm serious!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY have I not started yet?????? I have all the symptoms, but no "lady"! My boobs are sore, my face is broken out like a 13 year old, and I just feel like I could start any second, but my body hates me. Should I wait a few days then call the doctor to get another round of it or what? Hurry the frick up you stupid body! I want to use my clomid, but I can't yet!!!!!!!!!!!! Dlfkja;sldfkja;sldkfja;lskdfjldaskfsd;lakfjlsadkffsad I just want to scream and cry!

I just want to have a big girl cry, but I'm holding it in. Ok maybe not that great...little tears are streaming down my face. What's wrong with me? I just deleted like 10 friends on facebook for no reason. Maybe I just need to go to bed.

Lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Lady"!!!!!!! Where are you????? Day 10 pill was thursday, and if you don't hurry your butt up I have to get back on that crap mon/tues! I currently hate you, and you better show up tomorrow. I bought ovulation tests, basal thermometer, and my clomid is calling my name but NOOOOOOOOOO you want to make me mad! Hate you.

P.S. I totally went into work to file stuff from 7am-3pm which might explain my grumpiness :(

It's in!

Marriage

I love morning snuggling! Our 10 alarms go off, and we keep hitting off to wait for the next alarm. We'll roll over and snuggle, or hold hands. It's so sweet! The bad thing is when one of us snuggles too tight. We both feel the need to pee, haha...aaaahhh morning pee! You can't snuggle when your bladder is about to explode!

Baby making

I officially have my Clomid (generic brand actually, thanks Walgreens for helping me save money!). I wasn't going to pick it up until my "lady" started back up, but Walgreens kept calling and reminding me my prescription was in haha. I got there, and the lady looked at my meds and walked over to some weird dude. The guy had a thick random accent, and he looked serious as we walked towards me. He started asking me if I knew how "serious and important" the medication. Then he continued to tell me that I need to be "very careful, and track EVERYTHING". Seriously...it's like I have homework everyday when I get on it! Now I'm afraid I'll mess it all up! I feel like an idiot. I thought a basal thermometer was the same as the normal ones. :( I am not prepared for all this! I suck at researching. Am I terrible? I took day 10 of the progesterone stuff so uhm....LADY where are you???? If you don't appear by Monday I have to start it over :(

Misc

Work has been crazy lately. I tried to be all organized all week, and NOTHING has gone as planned. Why do I even try to schedule stuff? I have meetings tomorrow, and then I have to work from 7am-9am saturday. I need a vacation!

Random Thought

I find it very awkward when old boyfriends from like junior high who are married with kids say things like "You were, and are so pretty still". AWKWARD

Doctor's visit results!

Alright ladies and Kyle...I went to the doctor today. I'll tell you about it with a positive/funny attitude, then express the other side of me.

Humorous

-Seriously...it was sooo packed today! Everyone in that room was pregnant. I had two appointments,and I got in both pretty fast. I got so many dirty looks because I'd get out of one, sit for 10 minutes, and get called into the next. Some people had been waiting over an hour. Hehe

-I went in for a pelvic ultrasound, got that, and SURPRISE a va jay jay ultrasound. Oh my gosh...I feel violated today. The UT was so nice, and I really liked her but I wouldn't pay money to do that job. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and hurt! My ovaries were being shoved around,and things were pressed that shouldn't be! I won't go into anymore details, but it was a very strange/interesting 20 minutes. Lots of pictures taken of my innards

-So for the va jay jay thing they use this interesting looking device...hehe. I wanted to take a pic of it. It looked like a creepy dildo. Yup, I said dildo on my blog!

-I was trying to make conversation, and asked the UT "So what kind of lubricant do ya'll use for these tests?" What the crap??? I'm so retarded. I felt like a stupid dumb weirdo for asking that. They use KY, fyi :)

-My doctor is talking about putting me on some medication, and I said "Clomid?" She was like "YES, how did you know". I replied..."I read blogs, haha"

-I love my doctor! She is the sweetest, cutest lady ever! She's bubbly, and repeated back all the events in the past few months that I've gotten tests and stuff. Thank you Dr. for actually taking the time to read my chart!

Serious

-All the ultrasounds showed that everything is ok. I can rule out cysts, PCOS, endometriosis, and anything else. Basically, I'm just not ovulating.

-Because I am not ovulating, and I am trying to get pregnant my doctor wants to put me on Clomid

-Part of me feels like a failure. I should have lost weight, or done something different. Why would I stop ovulating after being off the pills since february? Why stop in July? Why not in the beginning?

-I feel like getting on Clomid means I have infertility issues. I know it's purpose right now is to get my levels back up, but still..google it and it says "used for infertility".

-Clomid means tracking stuff a lot, and really being detailed. I have to be organized, and keep track of things! I have to now worry about taking the clomid on the 5-9th day, have sex on 12-20, and go back to the doctor to check levels on the 2? something day. See I already forgot!

-Maybe this is the reason I've been reading infertility blogs for over a year. I totally know the lingo!

-I'm ok. I have an AMAZING husband who has said EXACTLY the right words today.

-I'm not sad or anything. I'm just kind of like "ok well this is where we are...let's do this!"

God has a perfect plan, I just have to trust Him :)

Sickness/Drama

Marriage

I was sick this whole weekend, and Kyle was sweet enough to let me sleep and relax . I am not a good sick person. I always think I'm dying. I am constantly sayings "I'm dying" or grabbing his hand saying silly stuff like "If I die you can have the dogs" and my fav in a very sad voice.."love another". I'm weird. We had a really stupid fight tonight over sickness/why I won't go to a doctor stuff...it made me really sad/mad. I hate fights. We are now sitting next to each other on the couch watching tv...we'll be ok :)

OH OH OH speaking of fights! I totally almost flipped out on a girl this week. I know I am awful at church stuff, and I am very awkward about it. So I don't want to go into the whole story because I am ok with it all now. Basically this girl was trying to encourage me to get involved more in our SS class and church in the total wrong way. She's a very blunt person, and everything she said did not come off right. At one point she said "I just feel so sorry for Kyle sometimes when he has to say "I don't know" when we ask where you are". What the crap? You feel sorry for my husband? Later she said something like "I just don't want you and Kyle to be unhappy". Wow..so yeah I took it the wrong way. Other things were said, and they were just as offensive even though down deep she had the best intentions. So my hubby talked to her hubby that night and explained how I am with church, and struggles I have. In the end her husband talked to her about it, and I had a FB message apology with a little "I will just never talk about this stuff to you anymore" at the end. I sent a reply back stating again that I appreciate her concern, and explained what made me upset. I got no reply back. Oh well. That whole situation fired me up, and sought Godly counsel from my lovely buddy Sarah Kilbreth! She's the best!

Baby making

So I finally called my doctor's office. I know I know...I should have done it weeks ago. They put me on medroxyprogesterone for 10 days starting this past tuesday. I go to the doctor this coming tuesday to get a pelvic ultrasound, and then immediately go to an appointment with my lady doctor. Hopefully these things will give me answers, right? I feel like something is wrong with me. I wake up, and look at this pudgy squishy girl in the mirror. I need to get motivated to lose weight for myself, and a future spawn. So yeah...that's all I have on this topic.

Misc

I'm such a confident person at work on the outside. Inside I am freaking out, and worried I'm messing up all the time. I'm sure I make little mistakes each day, but this week I did something good. I grew a set of man balls, and went out to deal with an issue with grown ups. I was soooooo nervous, but it all worked out fine! Goooooo me! My boss came on Friday for a meeting, and she told me I'm awesome, and am doing a great job. :) I try so hard, and I love my boss for saying things like that to me! I feel like I am too harsh and teachy with kids sometimes, but I guess I'm just being awesome :) This week will be hectic. Lots of random stuff going on, just getting over being sick, and I have those doctors appointments so yeah...pray for me this week.

Random Thought

Why is it when you are sick, and go potty you feel like you could just sit there all day? I guess from all the lack of energy huh?

HIMYM

Did anyone watch How I Met Your Mother tonight? yeah...that episode was too close to home (Marshall and Lily) part. I cried. Ok so hopefully tomorrow my doctor should authorize me taking some progesterone or whatever pill to jump start things again. Thank you Sarah for kicking me in the butt today! I needed it!

Branson!

I completely forgot to take pictures of our weekend...oh well.

Marriage

Kyle and I went to Branson for the weekend with some of his/our newlywed friends. It was a very relaxing fun weekend! We have only been married a year, but we felt so old and married haha. It was great! We were the wise married couple. My husband is just so funny and cute. All weekend he was being a goofyface, and so affectionate. I love him to pieces! I went shopping a bunch at outlet stores, and got some cute stuff. Kyle and I carried on our tradition of buying a new christmas ornament each year. Oh...haha there is some pickle ornament that apparently German's hide in a tree or something for fun. I wanted one, but yeah it'd be weird to look at our tree then BAM....random pickle. Pickles make me think of That's What She Said jokes haha

Baby Making

Grrr...ok this one frustrates me. I know I know I said I was going to be better about it, but this weekend brought up some thoughts. So on Friday night I went potty, and I noticed "hey that's my lady (not much just a little)!!" I was excited because my body was back to normal, and that means I don't have to call my doctor this week! The next day I was cramping, and my lady was less noticeable. Then today...no lady at all. I'm not bloated, the girls (boobies!) have not been tender, and the cramping is gone. What does this mean? Was it just light spotting that shows that my body is trying to get back to normal? I've read tons of stuff online, and I don't want to call my doctor because its a waste of money to go in. Kyle thinks I need to pee on a stick just in case. I don't want to because seeing a lovely "negative or -" is starting to hurt my feelings. Kyle was very "baby happy" this weekend in Branson. He noticed little kids a lot, cute clothes, and let me buy a baby baseball christmas ornament. We both looked at each other when we drove by the sign pointing towards "Harrison". We also saw this adorable superman/batman onesie at an outlet store. I love when he shows interest in baby stuff. So yeah..what do you think?

Misc

I hate when you go on weekend trips, and come home with a tummy ache. Seriously..I need to get over my fear of unknown bathrooms!

Random Thought

I get confused sometimes of when to use "well" or "good". I also tried to help a kid with english homework, and I totally forgot what an adverb was. I know my awful grammar drives you crazy sometimes Sarah :)

I love Falll

The weather has been amazing and crispy in the morning. I love it! It makes me want to go outside and take a long walk. Fall is also a time of awesome shows! Our DVR is overloaded every night with shows we love, and new ones we are trying out. It makes a long work day better when I have couple time full of shows in the evenings!

Marriage

My husband has been making me feel like a beautiful lady this week. He randomly says sweet little comments like "You are so cute" or "I like you". Ahh the little things :) He's got some big secret plan/present idea for my birthday at the end of the month. I am not a patient person! I want to know what it is now!!!

Baby Makin

Still no "lady". Not sure when to call the nurse/doctor again. Do I just wait a few more weeks? I mean...my body still shouldn't be messed up right? I've had no lady since the middle of July. At the end of August I had blood tests done for pregnancy, thyroid, and something else (I can't remember). Negative P-test, and results all came back normal for the other stuff. I have been stressed, but seriously...it shouldn't keep skipping. Not sure what to do. Maybe I'm avoiding what the possibilities which DO NOT include a baby. I don't think about it much, but I do know eventually I have to get my body back on track. I know I'm a broken record on all this stuff, but its my blog and yeah...I win!

Misc

I had an incident happen at work this week that had me more mad than I have been in years! I can't go into detail, but let me tell you..I was fuming!!!! Adults are worse than kids sometimes! I tried using my coping skills I tell kids everyday, but NOTHING would work. I calmed down after hours and hours of my face being hot with fury. Then my WONDERFUL husband took me with him to get his haircut, and dropped me off at Kohl's! I bought myself a pair of jeans. None of my jeans fit from last year because well...I'm a husky girl haha. It's ok, I am proud that I am not in the HUGE size I was a few months ago. Ok fine...the brand is usually too big so I got to buy a size under what I wear. Seriously when did sizes change so much with pants and bras? I have changed bra sizes big time in less than a year. Stupid sizes. I hate you Victoria Secret!!!!!! Your like to make bras for little bitty teeny you know...boobs! Big girls like me get the shaft :(

Random Thought

Why do I still giggle when I hear a fart sound? Seriously....I'm almost 25 years old. I guess it's one of those things that will make me laugh until I am old and gray.